private message to Harry Marvolo

[alt_megan]

I keep thinking about what you said about trying to do the right thing but sometimes it doesn't turn out that way. And I am afraid that I will pick the wrong choices again.

Because Madam Umbridge was not a good choice. Even if she was in charge. Only we are supposed to look to those above us for guidance. But like Cedric Diggory said, some people lead you into swamps and you could get lost forever. Or you could get somebody else lost.

Because now Susan wants to be friends with me again, only what if I get in a swamp and I get her in there too? If I pick the wrong thing and something happens like Sarah

Is it a halfblood thing, to be afraid? Except you probably are not ever scared. Only you said you are a halfblood too even if most people do not treat you like one. So maybe you are. Scared, I mean. Sometimes.

Please do not be insulted. I do not mean to be disrespectful. But I really don't have anyone to ask. Because not many people talk to me. Except Susan now. But I cannot ask her about this because it is about her. Or Eloise because she is still cross.

I wish I knew what to do. Maybe it is safer for other people if I don't have friends after all. Because then I can never get them into a swamp by picking the wrong choices.

Comments

[alt_harry]

Hey, Megan.

I'm not

I'm not perfect, you know. I don't think anybody is, but I'm really not. So sure, we can talk, talking's good. But I'm not going to tell you what to do, you know? I don't even know what I'm supposed to do most of the time.

And yeah, I get scared. Of course I do. Everyone does.

I think it's good that Susan wants to be friends.

I don't know.

Maybe

Okay. So sometimes we worry that we'll end up hurting our friends. And that's probably a good thing. But we can't protect them from everything, you know?

So that means we can choose to not have any friends, or be friends and maybe that means they might get hurt, but part of being friends is trying really hard to do right by them. And if they're a friend, they'll want to take the risk with you. And they're trying to do right by you too.

[alt_harry]

And maybe that's more important than just listening to someone who might not even care about you. Or who isn't looking out for you.

Just trying really hard to do right by your friends, and letting them try hard back.

It's something, I guess.

I mean, it's more complicated. There are laws and things, and sometimes you've got to look out for more than just your friends, because that wouldn't be good, but

yeah.

[alt_megan]

That is the other thing I am scared about. I have always listened to Miss Penworthy but she is ill and distracted so often now that she does not always look out for me. And quite often she does not even remember I am even there. So I was scared, and then Madam Umbridge was nice to me at first sometimes and I hoped there might be a place for me. If I needed it. Because she said I was useful. Except then she wanted

If we are supposed to listen to those above for guidance, shouldn't they give us some? Instead of asking who is expendable?

[alt_harry]

If that's what they're asking, then maybe they aren't the people we should listen to. And what says we have to listen to anybody?

Look, I don't

I mean,

it's not like there's a thing that's always going to be right each and every time no matter what. Like following the rules. Or listening to someone who's supposed to be in charge. Or even trying to do what you think is best. And I know you're sort of

stuck

on Madame Umbridge and all, but she's not here any more. Anyways. She was an awful person, but she's gone. And it looks like your foster mum And you have to sort out what you want to do next.

I don't know. It's messed up sometimes. I can't answer your question because there isn't an answer, and I don't know.

I'm sorry?

[alt_megan]

I'm glad she's not here any more. And you are right she was an awful person.

I am just glad she is not a ghost here.

And it's okay. You don't have to give me answers. I know there isn't one. But it is still very kind of you to talk with me. Because it helps some. So thank you.

[alt_harry]

She's gone, and she's never coming back.

And it's not a big deal. It's just talking. I mean, it's okay. To talk. If you need to. Or want to. Whatever.

[alt_megan]

Okay.

Thanks, Harry.

[alt_megan]

Okay. It's hard to know what to choose but Susan is willing to be friends again so I am going to try. Because it is a risk but I cannot choose for her. Even if I am scared. Because she gets to pick her own choices. Because if I don't let her pick her own choices I am not being a good friend to her anyway, right?

I just hope her choices are better than mine because mine were not very good this year

[alt_harry]

Yeah. Like that.

And I think it's better to take a chance than just never try.